Random Thoughts

Not the most focused day of my life. Lots of new elements forming up to change my daily routine have created a wider lens for me. Can't be sure how long it will last but it is a refreshing change.

Getting ready for Winter by installing replacement windows. This is so satisfying on many levels; savings on energy, feeling warmer in the rooms and just the sheer sense of accomplishment in working with tools and wood and getting something done. There is much to be said for simple jobs where you can see, feel and appreciate the change quickly.

Yoga classes are going well and I've been holding more now that my Mother is doing better. She is up and doing exercises most days and I just signed her up for a comprehensive program that will keep her in the home longer. There will be a team of health care providers reviewing everything and coming to the house several times a day to make sure she is doing well. A big relief for me.

There are lots of requests for me to bring up a regular schedule of classes, and I can tell from this weekend that people are anxious to re-connect. Probably will set a new schedule for November.

The grapes at my house in Schenectady, NY, are fantastic. They always are juicy and sweeter after the first frost. Right now they are the best although I've been eating them for about a month. Mostly concord grapes with seeds, unlike the watery seedless varieties sold in stores. The taste is absorbing when you bite into them - hard to ignore that grape flavor! The quantity of grapes has risen over the last few years once I learned the art of pruning. Now, every spring before the sap runs I cut off vines and shape the growth. It has paid off well with lots of healthy bunches of tasty grapes in the Fall.

Taking Time Out

"...we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are developing spiritually when 
instead we are strengthening our egocentricity through spiritual 
techniques.  This fundamental distortion may be referred to as 
spiritual materialism."

Chogyam Trungpa

Last week I was answering questions after a meditation class and it became clear that several people came to learn new techniques. I led an open meditation that evening where I brought up the question "Is what I'm doing meditation." In the conversation that followed the half hour meditation, one woman admitted that she was expecting guidance and had a difficult time when we were silent.

Isn't this a basic problem when we begin our meditation? Are we moving into memory to recreate the past or moving forward into planning to build a better present. How difficult it is to be present in this fast paced, results oriented, nano second controlled culture.

I have recently taken a major Time Out in my life to take care of my Mother who had a sudden and sharp downturn in her health. One of the first obstacles to confront me was my sense that I would loose momentum in my job, teaching and relationships. Many of the constructs that define me were called into question immediately by simply stopping my routine and taking care of what was in front of me. Of course, this translated into a whole set of logical, practical and well intentioned rationalizations.

In fact, a sense of spaciousness and ease flooded me in the weeks that followed as I immersed myself in the moment to moment work of taking care of 'activities of daily living.' The freedom of doing the next right thing took hold. What evolved was less focus on 'me' and a growing absorption in the reality of not being separate from this person.

But my spiritual practices fell off at first. That is, the routines I had come to label as spiritual, when the real spiritual work of service to others was filling my life. It's so easy to be diverted into high profile service when the real meaning of life is usually looking at us with a familiar face.